Kevin Weeks
Dodge State Prison
Chester, Georgia

Saturday, May 17, 2008

This was a normal Saturday for me.  I very seldom to to breakfast.  I guess I enjoy that extra hour of sleep.  For some reason, I didn’t feel much like an author today.  As I look around , I try to understand some of the other men around me.  My objective in life is to leave (prison) a different person from when I came into the system.  To do this, I’m  taking a Business Management distant learning course, in which I pay the tuition.  Unfortunately, the program is unaccredited; and I currently have a 4.0 GPA.  I could not find an accredited college correspondence program that didn’t require computer access.

This is the longest period of time that I’ve ever been away from my family.  My father died while I was in here; and I wasn’t able to attend the funeral.  I was devastated.  My grandmother needed me there.  Even today, I hear the sadness in her voice when we talk about my father’s death.  My biggest fear is that someone else in my family will die and I cannot be there.  However, I really try not to think about it.  I simply pray.

Sunday, May 18, 2008
…When I am able to live FREE spiritually, I see myself as physically FREE.  This line of thought allows my mind, which is of the physical aspect, to have mental freedom.  When I’m put in a limited religious setting, my mind is taught to only accept specific religious ways and teachings.  However, when I watch nature, such a s birds, bees, etc. they all have spiritual freedom to serve God for what they were created for or to do.  I only desire to serve our Creator, whether male or female or both.

Monday, May 19, 2008
I really wonder, “What is this world coming to?” There are all kinds of things going on all around the globe; and at this camp, I look and listen to grown men complain at dinner that their soup is too hot or that they don’t have enough vegetables in their soup.  Are we focusing on the right things?

Today, I strived to learn something new and I did.  I learned about the Socratic Method, which is to teach by asking questions.  While I was on “the yard,” which I try to do every day, a very touchy topic came up amongst three guys, of which I was one of the three.  The question was posed to the group, “What is the pride in being a black man or of the black race?”  I listened intently to everyone’s response; then, my answer was simple.  Neither race nor overcoming ones struggles has anything to do with the pride of being a man.  It’s about results.  A man’s pride resides in his life’s achievements and the legacy he leaves for his family.  It’s never too late to turn things around for the common good.

I try not to speak for other men; however, in many ways my coming to prison was a blessing.  When I was growing up as a child, I was indeed taught right from wrong. However, I never internalized the concept of discipline.  I’m in no way saying that I enjoy being in prison, because I don’t.  It’s hell.  Bottom line, I believe when an offender has identified the root cause of his problem and has taken all actions to rectify the situation, that offender has earned the right to be released.


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Dortell Williams
Lancaster, California

May 3, 2008

I’ve always viewed sharing in a diary to that ov writing an intimate friend; sharing one’s most  private thoughts and not having to worry about what’s popular, politically correct or offensive because diaries aren’t sensitive to such matters.  They just give and give, without ever taking back.  So I’m rather excited about this invite by The Anne Frank Center (USA) and the PEN American Center to participate in this prison diary program.

I was quite happy to receive the materials yesterday because I’ve never done a diary.  I keep a rather non-descript daily journal of prison activities her: lockdowns, fights, prominent visitors and a variety of triumphs or injustices and feelings.

Those are usually shared with a variety of friends and family.  Yet even there I have to edit such sharings, depending on who it is I’m sharing with.  Some people are open to me sharing my faith, others aren’t.  Some share equally in my aloof sense of humor, while others are more serious.  Still, others relate to my strong advocacy spirit, while others are socially passive or unconscious.  But a diary will absorb it all, and is as flexible in personality as I am, contorting itself to each shim, caprice and facet of me. I think I will enjoy this.

May 4, 2008
I suppose a good place to start a diary, or any relationship for that matter, is to introduce myself.  I am a prisoner, a father, a friend.  I am a dreamer, a fighter and survivor.  I am a victim, a lover and protector; and yet so much more—just like anyone else.  I suspect that each of these facets will at some point surface as I share.

I have been imprisoned for the last eighteen consecutive years…I was a naïve twenty-three. It gets much sadder.  My wife, who I’ll call Sweet face, was pregnant with our second child.  The police said it would have been a boy.  Our daughter, Sweet B, was eighteen months at the time.

May 6, 2008
Dear Lourdes,
I think that’s what I’ll call you.  I’ve always liked that name and since I don’t know any Lourdes personally, you will be my Lourdes.  A new female friend who I can build an intimate friendship with, and open up to more deeply, as opposed to sharing with one of the fellows.

May 21, 2008
Dear Lourdes,
I was re-reading Anne Frank’s sharings with Kitty this morning.  I think that kid was a phenomenal writer.  In many ways, her musings remind me of my own daughter’s letters; Witty, analytical, insightful, full of life and open without end.  I love reading, period; a lot more than watching television, which can be very disappointing at times.  Some of the stuff they put out these days are completely implausible or slap shtick silly.  Not particularly my favorite.

Anyway, back to Frank’s diary.  I marveled at how they had to sneak and smuggle so much.  You hear of people of all walks of life cheating here and there, yet prisoners are demonized for doing the same thing—for being human.  I mean, dangerous contraband is one thing, but in here smuggling copies for school or using state machines to do constructive projects can get one in a world of trouble. The parole board will actually deny you parole!


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Michael McLean
Fishkill Correctional Facility
Beacon, New York

October 20, 2008
Dear Uni,
I just got back from the 2 days (overnight) I spent with my wife Crystol. It was so great, to see her, to speak with her, laugh with her and for us to make love to each other.  The family members of certain prisoners are permitted to participate in the Family Reunion Program.  This is where a family member may stay over on the prison grounds in trailers.  It’s a wonderful program—I’ve had such great memories with my parents, brother, sister, wife and nephews.  Family is…is family.

October 23, 2008

Dear Universe,
I have decided to contact the chairman of Parole and appeal directly to him for a reversal of my denial or at least a new hearing.  I had submitted my administration appeal, but the division of Parole never even answered it.  I was surprised they didn’t because I would  think that they wouldn’t want a judge to rule in my favor and order them to give me a new and fair hearing.  I just want to go home, Uni, home and do good and salvage what’s left of my life…my time on earth.
Well, one of the parole commissioners did vote to release me—and he was the lead commissioner.  One day I hope to stroke his hand for voting to release me, for the faith he placed in me.

So long for now Universe.
Michael

October 26, 2008
Dear Universe,
Our secret is out—…The universe, space, the unfathomable depths of space are awe inspiring to me. When I think on the mysteries of deep-deep space I get a greater respect and understanding of life and my own mortality.  It’s awesome---it’s GOD!  I had a wonderful visit with my wife today.  I miss her already.  My wife Crystol is waiting for me to be released so I can join her in the day-to-day affairs of life on the outside.  One day, one day, I’ll be free from the walk, the razor-wired fences, and the hordes of “People” that I am surrounded by in here. Don’t misunderstand, I like people.  I’m not al all displeased with crowds. I just would prefer a “different” crowd.  These are some great and decent men in here, but…

Anyway,
Take care,
Mike

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Hector Gallegos
Otisville, New York

November 19, 2008
Dear Anne Frank Staff,
I have basically focused on an aspect of prison life that I believe cuts deeper than any prison made weapon and perhaps is one of the leading contributors toward prison violence and recidivism: “The emotional and psychological ramifications associated with prison life.”

I also focus on the perseverance and hope that thrives in the midst of all the prison chaos and madness. If there is one thing I’ve learned over the years during my imprisonment, it is to be attentive for that ever subtle ray of hope which tends to find its way into the dark recesses of misery…for it’s that instant of time when our spirit is renewed.  And though my writings are of a personal nature, the emotional and psychological aspects of my accounts are experiences shared by many of the men behind prison walls.  I write…on behalf of those prisoners who do not have the strength nor the voice  to express what needs to be shared with the outside world, in particular for the prisoners who find themselves in the dark recesses of a Security Housing Unit.


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Brian Roberts
Tomoka Correctional Institution
Daytona Beach, Florida

Each Poem that I write is an attempt to push
Out the pain.  Pain I have no desire to keep.
This is new to me, this way of life.
Poetry is the way I deal with this world.
Everyone must find a release before all becomes lost.
Poetry allows me to cling to my sanity.
The bumps and bruises of life are tended to
By a song from my soul.
No one is immune from pain.  This is why all
Will relate and identify with this hardship I describe.
My poetry began selfishly for me.
However it can also become a part of you.
Hope, love and struggles, this is my message.
Look closely.  One can see the tears falling from my words.
So vividly clear, so unbelievable real to the touch.
Such defining horrible sounds to be heard.
There is a cage we all long to escape from.
Your cage may not be my cage.
My cage may not be yours.
Poetry slowly opens my cage surrounding my world.


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Beverly Jaynes
WERDCC
Vandalia, Missouri

Tuesday, Nov. 4, 2008
This election has been so exciting and I’m sweating for Obama, that walking hope machine, to win.  He did!  What a momentous historic event!  What a superb candidate and campaign that he ran! I’m so happy for the black community who are overwhelmed by this!  He had so much to overcome but I trust that he will intelligently, responsibly and compassionately address these issues and problems.

Friday, Nov 14, 2008
About 9am the whole H.U. was locked down because a metal part from a small dust mop was missing.  This lasted all day until after the 4:30 count-time was over.  We missed medical and hair cut appointments.  The brought us each lunches and let us use the bathroom one at a time with a co monitoring us in the hallways.  We took naps and talked in our room.  Then about 3 pm they finally searched our wing/lower floor.  They padded us down and made us all sit facing the wall in the day room, yelling at us not to look around or talk.  They had thrown all trash contents on the floor and recycling bins too.  They shared all the chairs upside down in the middle of the day room.  They ransacked our rooms, throwing most of our locker contents on the beds and stripping bed. It took me over half an hour to reorganize and put everything back, finding things in a huge pile on my bed and (had just changed sheets and made my bed this am).  They took my clear plastic zip-up bags I put my cassettes and walkman in and I kept odds and ends in the cosmetic bag and they took my new pens and marker that I had an IOC for from theater class.  They even took my 3 rolls of state toilet paper because I had 3 rolls of my personal angel soft TP that I had bought at canteen.  I should be able to have both so I got 3 rolls of state TP from the rotunda that evening.  As it turned out someone did make a shank out of the metal and they found it and put (her) in the hole (5B) for it.  That made us feel better that this ordeal was worthwhile because we had thought that the metal part had probably been thrown away long ago and we were missing important appointments for nothing.


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Matthew Perry
MCC-Twin Rivers Unit
Monroe, Washington

10/8/08
Shalom,
I got this diary project material today.  I thought of waiting until the end of Yom Kippur to write but I decided to write after all as the project is so important.  So who am I?  I’m a 41 years old Jewish man in prison.  I grew up in Israel and returned to the USA when I was 21 to try and find my biological mother (which I did).  Ten years ago I made a big mistake and got myself sent to prison for a twelve year sentence.  With good time I will serve a few more months before I will be eligible for early release.  I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I used to keep a diary when I was a teenager and then later when I first came to prison.  The thought of writing again is very pleasing and makes me feel better. At this point I think I will put the pen down and take the book up.  So good night.

Tuesday, 10/28/08
Today I got moved to a new, one man cell. It is the first time in about nine years that I have a room all to myself. This feels a bit strange, but I’m sure I’ll get used to this.

As far as my candy bar problem (disappearing)—I got two confirmations abut it today and I also made up my mind not to do anything about it.  I’m going to let it go.  It’s not worth the headache of dealing with it.  Other than that all is well.

Tuesday, 11/4/08
Today is election Day!  Some how I got through it and now it is time to reflect on the day.  For me, the day started like every other day, I was not happy to wake-up and get out of bed cut I did it anyway and went to a two hour session at study hall.  Got some homework done with the great help of the guys over there.  After lunch I sat in my room (computer class was cancelled again) and this time I actually got some fore homework done!

After dinner I was going to go to my usual Tuesday evening meeting but…you guessed it, the meeting was cancelled.  So I returned to my room to watch election coverage, and now, so many hours later, we have a new president—the TV people announced that Barack Obama is the new (44^th) President of the United States. Now I don’t know what to think about all this.  I have not been a part of the political scene for so long that I don’t know if I’m happy or not, but it sure is a very historical day.

Anyway, I’m tired so I’ve gone to turn off the TV. And head into my own world. Good night.